hIn a rather shocking turn of events, a schism has started opening between the asexual/aromantic communities of Tumblr, and the LGBT+ communities of Tumblr. I’ve seen some shit floating around in the great toilet bowl of the Internet saying that aces/aros shouldn’t be considered a part of the LGBT+ community because asexuals and aromantics aren’t oppressed. I’ve also seen some even worse comments saying that aces/aros shouldn’t be considered part of the LGBT+ community because historically, we haven’t been.
First, I wanna quickly flush away that second turd, because shit, here I was thinking we’re all trying to work together to get our own identities recognised and leave old heteronormative/binary ways of thinking behind, but apparently not! The LGBT+ movement has some solid history behind it, now, so it should stop evolving and stay rooted where it is, of course! No more pushing the boundaries of perception or acceptance.
Yeah, fuck that. The LGBT+ community I support is a living, breathing entity which should understand the perspectives of everyone knocking on its door. Not some dusty old brick wall with a ‘Members Only’ sign hanging on it.
Now, that slightly more complex matter of oppression. A tricky one, for sure, because oppression is a subjective creature. What feels like a living hell to one person may look like a walk in the park to others. We’re all affected by different things in different ways, which is why it’s so hard sometimes to empathise with someone else’s situation.
This is why it’s so disappointing that select members of the LGBT+ community — a group who have fought against oppression so heavy it’s a textbook milestone in recent history — are choosing to turn their backs on asexuals and aromantics, in a similar fashion, dare I say, to how some homophobic people may choose to turn their backs on members of the LGBT+ community.
The label of ‘asexuality’ is something I only adopted over the past year. It gave me some comfort, because it explained some shit that had happened previously in my life. Then came a fresh set of challenges, because, yes, being asexual offers up its own little menu of pressing and hurtful moments. Asexual oppression is a thing that very much exists.
I am not dismissing the problems anyone is facing. I am not diminishing the oppression anyone is suffering. I am aware there are people in the world enduring worse, but this is what’s affecting us.
At a time when awareness of LGBT people continually and consistently breaks its own records, there’s still next-to-nought recognition of or representation for asexual or aromantic people. I adopted the ‘asexual’ label thinking it’s something I’d just be able to keep quiet — it’s the ‘lack of something’, after all, right? — but society is so steeped in sex, you always end up having to explain. The questions people ask you when you ‘come out’, per se, could sometimes be better, but the real thorn is when people insist you’re going through a phase, there’s something wrong with you, or, the classic, you might be gay.
It’s all starting to seem like a petty squabble over who has the biggest problems to face. That’s bad. It should continue to be a campaign for nothing but universal acceptance and understanding. Forgive me for resorting to a clichéd trope here, but there’s already enough anger, pain, anguish, and hate in the world without kindling the fire through little Iron Man vs. Captain America civil wars inside communities which want the same thing: comfort.
How do we move forward, and do asexuals and aromantics even need to be a part of the LGBT+ community? Not necessarily, but why the fuck not — is there some set of rules? When we all get caught up in the emotional #LoveWins-esque successes — the ripples of acceptance across the globe — do we pull out the Ten Commandments of What Is Love Baby Don’t Hurt Me? No, we fucking celebrate, that’s what we do, because it’s awesome. That little + at the end of LGBT is not finite, and nor should it be.
Right now, aces/aros have a very weak foothold in society. We’re not part of the straight side or the LGBT+ side. We’re stuck in the middle getting harassment from both ends, when there shouldn’t be any form of harassment whatsoever. We’re deemed broken, we’re deemed sick, we’re deemed mentally ill. We’re told it’s something we can, and should, correct. And there are some dark methods of ‘correction’ I don’t even want to mention.
As that weak foothold grows stronger and we start to climb, the oppression will undoubtedly climb with it, and we’ll face fresh challenges. We’d rather not be alone for that, just as any member of the LGBT+ community would rather not be alone when facing oppression. Are we going to knot together and help one another up, or risk falling with nobody to catch us? Your call.
A gargantuan thank-you to everyone in the LGBT+ community who accept asexuals and aromantics as part of the movement.
My Ask box is open for anyone wishing to share their thoughts.
