I’ve decided to move out of this nightmare shithole that I live in and finally start my life. No more holding back, no more self censorship, I’m going to live my way. Aiming for the end of the month.
Only problem is money. It sucks that all the places I want to live are so expensive and living alone is expensive and gah. Everything is expensive. So I need to figure out the finances, but I know when I’m on my own I’ll be making a lot more stuff and I’ll be so much happier and I’ll be doing great. I just need to get over the hurdle.
Also, I’m staying around here for a bit, might move a town over but I’m keeping this PO box if you ever want to send me stuff. I’d love to hear from you.
Nyx Fears
4621 S Cooper St.
STE 131 - 198
Arlington, TX 76017
I love you guys. You’ve been so kind to me. 💙
Update: I put in my notice. One month and I’m out. I’m finishing my Bachelor’s and I’m moving. It’s gonna be that simple.
I’m doing it guys. I stood up for myself and my needs against an oppression I’ve dealt with for too long. This month couldn’t possibly go by fast enough.
hi hello, I’m yet another broke student who just wanna make art in peace. but my computer recently died so now I need even more money. anyway if you enjoy my content, please consider buying me a coffee here: https://ko-fi.com/karten? (not gonna lie 1/ it’s gonna be tea 2/ it’s all gonna go to a new computer lol)
Winking eyes like this: 8 usd (+5usd for another eyes)
__________
Character portrait like this: 8 usd (+5 usd for another character)
___________
Animated full body sprite like this: 12 usd (+9 for another character)
____________
Small sprite animation, up to 40 frames like this: 20 usd
(Please I haven’t had a commission of any sort since last year)
reminder that im still 100% doing that post on what pansexuality is, isnt and prob other stuff also!! so yeah if youre willing to give any input itd be amazing and really helpful! I wont repeat here what I need help and input on though so here is the previous post I did on that (check the tags for more info) and if you’d like to give your opinion and/or experience on something not mentionned here then you’re still very welcome and encouraged to either reblog this post and directly add something (ill check the tags dont worry) or send me an ask (on or off anon) or IM me!
I was trying to hold off on this until I was certain that things weren’t going well, but here we go.
A friend of mine is trying to raise money to volunteer with Restless Development (here is her page specifically - the link to the left is Restless Developement’s page), an agency that aims to help young people all round the world. In order to volunteer with them, she needs to raise £800. She’s also having to pay up to £500 or more for vaccinations required for going abroad. In order to raise this she will be cycling 100 miles in one day, on May the 28th. Her money is due some time in early June, so she doesn’t have long. Unfortunately she’s only managed to raise £270 pounds.
With a little over a week to go, my friend is getting worried, and I want to help as much as I can. We’re hoping to do a bake sale as well in order to raise the money.
(I’m aware as well that not all charities and organisations are perfect so if you know of this agency and have issues with it or how its run please message me and let me know! I don’t want to be supporting the wrong cause!)
Now this situation isn’t urgent and if you have other people in mind to donate to thats fine, but we’d appreciate any donations we can get. Signal boosts are also greatly appreciated. Thank you!
It’s getting closer to the deadline so I thought I’d reblog this again! Any reblogs are greatly appreciated <3
We recently learned that a third party had obtained access to a set of Tumblr user email addresses with salted and hashed passwords from early 2013, prior to the acquisition of Tumblr by Yahoo. As soon as we became aware of this, our security team thoroughly investigated the matter. Our analysis gives us no reason to believe that this information was used to access Tumblr accounts. As a precaution, however, we will be requiring affected Tumblr users to set a new password.
For additional information on keeping your accounts secure, please visit our Account Security page.
If you’re wondering why you were forcibly logged out of Tumblr with no warning and required to reset your password today, see above.
You know what would have been better than kicking me out and forcing a password change with no explanation, making your homepage look like a phishing site, Tumblr? SENDING OUT AN EMAIL OR SOMETHING.
Wow I’m glad that didn’t happen to me that’s shady as shit looking???
HEY GUYS THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT:
I’ve already been forced to reset my password just now, but I’ve also seen several people on my dash who have basically lost their blogs because they had those blogs tied to defunct e-mail addresses they no longer had access to - and tumblr is giving no option for resetting your password without access to the e-mail they send you
If you haven’t been hit with the password reset yet - and it seems to be rolling out in waves - this would be a really good time to be sure your e-mail preferences are up-to-date in your tumblr account. If you can’t access the reset e-mail when they send it to you, you’re locked out.
Hopefully they’ll fix this or come up with a work-around, but in the meantime, be prepared.
Signal boost in case any of my followers haven’t gotten this yet. Check your emails, make sure that shit current.
@roublardise yo thats what happened to you just so you know
Okay, so guys, gals and non-binary pals, today I’ve got a bit of a task on my hands.
I have a whole bunch of writing to do today for my art project, which, as some of you may know, is about designing and doing the concept art for a fantasy video game, where all of the characters I have time to design will be women and/or non-binary, people of colour and MOGAI (some of my characters will also be disabled and/or neurodivergent, however the latter isn’t easily conveyed in a drawn design, but it will be mentioned as an aspect of their character).
Unfortunately, this idea has hit a bit of a speed bump. One of my art tutor’s (who happens to be a SWERF) is making my life difficult and is basically pushing me to write an essay “justifying” myself and my actions against men (who, in her mind, I’m “oppressing” by not designing male characters oh no). And I’m fully willing to do this, even though its gonna be emotionally taxing in the long run, because I am sadly not very good at vocalising my opinions and feminist thoughts (I get stuttery, choke on my own words, panic, and I end up coming up with a jumbled mess). It took a great deal of effort to even convince her that the term “POC” to refer to people of different ethnicities (who aren’t white) isn’t racist and KKK equivalent (to be clear, she didn’t understand the difference between calling someone - and I hate to type this - “coloured” and “person of colour/people of colour”).
Now, part of this includes writing as to why I made the decision to make all of my character designs women/non-binary. Part of my decision was due to time constraints - all of my important characters were women/non-binary, and I only have time to design the important characters in preparation for the final pieces and presentation - but also partly because I didn’t see the need to create male characters, or feature them as people of importance. A large part of the storyline is these characters standing up to patriarchal systems and oppression, but my tutor argues its “not really equality” if I’m not including men, and says I’m oppressing them by creating an all women/non-binary cast of characters. I tried to explain to her that oppression can’t go both ways but my words became jumbled and she didn’t really listen. So now, she’s asking me to explain it in written words. Trouble is, I don’t really know how to write it either. Its a kind of complex subject, and not one I’m used to explaining unlike objectification, representation of queer characters and POC, etc. So I’m asking for help.
If anyone could help me out with explaining this, please reblog this with your ideas on this subject and how to write it out. I’d really, really appreciate it (please note: I will just block you if you come into my inbox complaining about male oppression or being a TERF. I’m not asking your opinion; I’m asking how to elaborate on feminist theory)
:::TRIGGER WARNING::: abuse, rape, drugs, pretty much everything terrible
Before
I start, I want to say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had
to do in my life. I understand that I am setting myself up to be
attacked in more ways than has already been done to me. People may
accuse me of lying and may try any tactic to protect him because they
don’t know who he truly is. I will have to take the heat for being
the first person to openly come out about this, though I am NOT the
only one who has experienced the abuse from him. There are soooo sooo
many of us. I know of some, I’m friends with some, and I’m without a
doubt sure there are some I don’t even know about. It’s not my place
to tell their stories. I can really only tell mine.
Throughout
the five years of knowing him, I have been mentally and physically
abused… by Toby Turner.
I
first met Toby when I was working at E3 in June 2011. I had flown
there from Georgia and he was doing a hosting gig. He added me on
facebook and as I was returning home, eventually my number. We texted
almost daily and Facetimed with each other. He kept telling me that I
should move there and that he needed a female host for his new gaming
show, so a month after E3 I had bought a new car and packed my stuff
for LA. I didn’t know at the time but that would be the one of many
broken promises.
-I
was writing way too many details when I realized that I have WAY too
many things to tell that happened in five years. So I’ll cut out the
small stuff. I was being cheated on since day one. He would fluctuate
between telling me we weren’t together, to saying we were. Once I
started finding the evidence of other women, he would fluctuate
between admitting he was cheating, then to saying he told me he
didn’t want anything serious. Every time I would try to leave, he
would tempt me with saying he was ready to come out about dating me
now. He would say he was just worried about what the fans would say
to me and all the hate I would get. But he never cared about that.
When he started dating Olga, we were still dating. He told me that
they weren’t real and it was just a show for subscribers and views.
At the beginning I actually believed that. Then my gut feeling was
going off like crazy and I realized I was just being weak. I stopped
seeing him and started seeing someone else. Of course I kept getting
texts that he missed me and that I was the one he wanted. Once I
stopped seeing the other guy, we went right back to dating. On and
off just as I now know was coinciding with Olga and his breakups. Or
maybe the breakups were lies. Who really knows. I know this makes me
look really dumb, but you have to understand how he makes women feel.
It felt like a drug. I would try to date other people and I was so
stuck and in love with him that no one ever compared. But I notice
now how I was also being manipulated and forced. He thought it was a
game to keep going when I would say No. He would grab me and try to
tear my pants off and I would say No and pull them back up. So
forcefully that they would tear. I still have my pants folded in the
drawer that have ripped belt loops and holes in the crotch from him
trying to tear his way in. I even headbutted him once bc I was
starting to see another guy and did not want to be physical with him.
But I was so scared of losing him that I would just let him win and
have his way with me. He would call me his girlfriend, then if he
found out I told someone I was dating him he would accuse me of
trying to ruin his career and insult me.
2013
was when the drugs really started. I’m not going to get into too much
detail with that, but this was when the abuse started getting very
violent. By this time I was conditioned to always make sure he was
happy and I had so many panic attacks and anxiety when I was with him
because I never wanted to upset him. We were writing most of his
parodies and songs together and then fighting when the “high”
would start to fade. Everything was a bipolar mess. There was an
incident where we met up for dinner (his classic line “wanna eat?”)
and he was on drugs of course. I told him not to park in the 30min
parking spot. He was immune to all rules in his mind (“im a god”)
so he left it. Our conversation at dinner turned toxic. He said some
girl was aborting his baby, I said years ago I had a miscarriage but
would have had it. This caused him to get angry that I would have
kept the kid. He called me stupid, a faggot, among other things. (FYI
to this day he STILL calls me a faggot. He uses that term all the
time and calls me names even when he is being “nice”) So I am
upset and trying to stand up for myself but only making it worse. I’m
sure I cried at some point. I was always crying. We leave the
restaurant and low and behold, his Range Rover got towed. He is
yelling and mad. We get a uber(taxi?) and go back to his place. By
this time I am absolutely terrified and just trying to not make him
more upset. He started punching things in the kitchen. He kicks his
stove and I get out of the way as he punches the pantry door. It has
a big giant crack in it. (He later covered it with a chinese new year
calendar and made jokes on vlogs saying “how did this get here?”)
I’m crying and he’s blaming me for stuff, and then I go and sit down
on the beanbag chair he has in the living room. He starts screaming
at me to get the fuck out of his house. I’m balling and crying and
asking him why he is doing this to me and he is screaming at the top
of his lungs that he hates me and to get the fuck out of his house
and that he’ll call the cops. He grabs his phone and saying he’s
calling the cops and I’m just crying and crying. He screams and asks
me “did you hear what I said you stupid fucking dumb blonde?!”
(he would always tell me he hated blonde hair) and so I stand up to
leave. I’m hysterical and get in my car and I speed off to drive away
and he jumps out in front of my car. Immediately saying
imsorryimsorryimsorrycmere cmere… I’m crying and I stop the car and
he pulls me into the house. I’m nothing but a hyperventilating crying
mess and I’m having a panic attack and shaking, when he starts taking
off my pants and saying shhhhhh. He sets me down on the end of the
bed and starts having sex with me. The entire time I’m crying and
mumbling for him to stop but he keeps saying shhh. After he’s
finished, he pulls my pants back on and I turn to my side and keep
crying. I honestly don’t remember if he cuddled me after. Maybe he
did. Once again I was psychologically damaged and stuck around. I
even dyed my hair brunette to please him. We spent valentines
together. At this point I knew I had to find a way to get over him. I
just didn’t know how. He was turned on every time I cried and he was
always mean and insulting to me, so this was the pattern. Friends
tried to intervene and I actually lost a few because I kept going
back to him and they thought I was weak and an idiot. I was. I
finally mustered the strength and told him we should be just friends.
Feb
26th, 2013. I came over to help him with something, I’m
not sure what. My friend Alissa was having a party I wanted to go to
and he kept telling me not to leave. I told him I had to go. He was
being flirty and cute. I was conditioned to enjoy the tension and
“game.” But I told him I was going. He asked if I would take a
shot with him. Just one before I left. Yes, I know I should not have
even said yes and taken a shot before driving. I am aware. But you
have to understand, at this time drugs were running rampant in this
house and I was so exposed to drug and alcohol abuse that I was just
used to it. I said ok and took a shot with him. Instantly I knew
something was wrong. At first I thought it was shitty vodka. I even
asked what vodka it was since it was the worst taste I ever had. Then
I saw his face… and I realized I knew what that bitter taste was. I
asked him if he had slipped something in my drink. ::insert cute grin
with gryphon voice denying it:: I asked a bunch of times and he
denied. But I already knew the answer. I also knew that the people
who die from mdma/molly have always been mixing it with alcohol. That
both of those together are a DEADLY mix. That Toby is a drug addict
and that the amount of drugs he put in my drink are far more than I
will EVER be capable of handling. I start crying and telling him he’s
going to kill me. Why would he try to hurt me. That he is selfish and
that I am going to die because of him. This somehow gives him a
moment of clarity or maybe it was just the drugs taking effect, but
he admits to putting it in my drink. He tells me it was only just a
little bit and it must have still been on the glass from when he used
it. Then he admits fully to doing it. He starts crying as well and
admitting he is a sex addict and drug addict and needs to get help. I
am SO FUCKED UP at this point that I honestly don’t remember what
happened. Did we have sex? Did we only talk? I’m not sure. All I know
is at some point he is passed out cuddling me on his beanbag chair
and I’m just staring straight ahead wide awake with anxiety. I
literally feel like I am being held hostage and kidnapped. I don’t
know this man. I want to escape but I am so fucked up that I cant
leave. Once I feel like I can maneuver a car (the next afternoon), I
drive home. I really shouldn’t have drove but I needed to escape him.
I come home and my roommates are in the kitchen. They would be so mad
if they knew I was still talking to Toby after the blatant rape, so I
tell them that someone at a bar drugged me. They tell me to go to the
hospital and I say I just want to lay down. I go in my bed and just
start sobbing. I was fucked up on this drug for 3 days. I regret
never going to the hospital. I regret never going to the cops for
what he did. I honestly thought about his career ruined and I didn’t
want to hurt him bc I loved him. How messed up is that? He had just
tried to kill me. I knew I was too weak to go to the hospital, but I
made sure to text him what he did so I would have evidence. So I
would at least have a text proof that he drugged me. So he couldn’t
turn around and deny like he always did. Like he denies ever dating
me now. What’s messed up is the text he gave me before I texted the
proof. “'twas fun”. Yeah. FUN.
I wish I could say I stopped
talking to him after that. But we all know that’s not true. He said
he would change his ways and I took him back again. March 2, 2013, I
go in his bathroom and see a black thong and condom in his trashcan.
He’s in the other room gaming, so I walk in there and grab him by the
arm and he’s shocked, but I take him to the bathroom where I have put
the items on the floor and I push his face down towards it. His
response??? “what?” 'WHAT?!?’ “yeah what?…so?” and
I’m livid. I say ‘Who the fuck is she?’ He tells me “It doesn’t
matter. You’ll never meet her.” I really wanted to destroy and
break everything in his house on the way out, but I just grab my
stuff and go. Done.
Except not, bc I’m an idiot and I stay
friends. The last time I ever have sex with him is Memorial Day of
2013. This isn’t by choice of course. This is a violent hate fuck
after he thinks I am flirting with Max Landis at his (Toby’s) bbq
party. Then of course I find out he was hooking up with another girl
from the same party who is also a friend. The list goes on and on.
Mid to late 2013- He finally has a relationship with
someone else. (By this time, they are known as “mains” in my
circle of friends that know the drill). So luckily I can say I never
slept with him after that. But things still were messed up because he
would always try to use me to masturbate. Either do it in front of me
or try to grab my hand to do it for him. It’s disgusting and i’m
embarrassed but it’s the truth so whatever. I became “just a
friend” and I really thought things were looking up. We started
doing songs together, even though I was helping him write them
throughout this whole time. But NOW I was included and he was
actually letting people know we were friends! Yay. Gag. I wont get
into the lack of payment for anything I did, cause that’s a separate
issue. But I knew I was being used. I was just so happy to be
included! Yay. Gag. He always strung me along and would wave that
carrot of songs or gaming to get me to come back.
2014-
He tells me we will perform Depressing Song at Playlist. I’m super
happy bc we wrote it together and it was our “look how magic we
are together” song. Once it gets close to Playlist time… he
starts getting wishywashy like he always does. I ask him if we really
are going to play the song because he never gives me a straight
answer and he starts telling me he only has passes for Seth and Gabe
and he doesn’t know. Then tells me he will only be doing standup.
This is after I already have my flight and hotel. So now he all of a
sudden doesn’t have a pass for me that he said he would have. So I
decide to go anyways. My amazing friend gets me into playlist and I
have a really good time even though I know the drill of if Toby sees
me there, he will ignore me and I have to lie to fans and play along
that he’s just sooooo awesome. He asks what I’m doing and I text him
that I’m hanging with these other youtubers and he gets mad (and
jealous) because I shorten their channel name and accuses me of
acting too cool. I say they’re my friends and that’s just what I call
them. He then texts a mutual friend and says something along the
lines of, “April is on her high horse and I’m about to put her
down.” The day of his performance, I tell another mutual friend
that I just KNOW he’s going to play our song. She assures me he
wouldn’t do that. I have Toby energy and we are super connected. I
FEEL IT. I know he is. And he does… I’m going to admit to the
internets, that I almost committed suicide. I was in the worst pain I
have ever felt in my life. Worse than the cheating, the lying, the
physical and mental abuse. I’m not sure why, but to deny me the very
thing I created… to perform my song when it was my DREAM to be up
there… That was worse than death. I was on a high balcony of my
hotel, and the opportunity presented itself. Luckily I didn’t go
through with it. I vowed not to talk to him. He didn’t get to use me
in this new life. I spent all of 2014 getting constant texts from
him. Some spamming, blaming, and attacking me, some saying he wanted
to say sorry. Towards August I think, I started to respond. I have
only seen him a few times since then. I saw him a few months ago in
January at a friend’s birthday and though he was nice to me in
person, he started flirting with my best friend and then was trying
to text her to entice her to hang out with him. When I texted him to
stop (bc hello we’re bffs and she’s gonna show me), the attacking
verbal abuse was back again. He never changes.
He’s still
abusing and damaging women. There are women with stories similar to
mine. He’s still playing his games of multiple girls at a time. Still
asking hot chicks to game with him as a pick up line. I keep hoping
maybe he has changed and I tried not to give the gory details to the
women he tricks and fucks over. But I see he hasn’t. Two “mains”
found out about each other just the other day.
Why
did I tell such extreme detail of the worst parts of my life and
about him? Because last night I was working and went to a Toys R Us
and saw a Tobuscus toy in the isle. I started to cry and have a panic
attack. I was supposed to be professional, but I couldn’t help it. I
wanted to run up to the cashier and tell her that they are selling a
drug addict rapist to children. They are selling a sexual predator
and don’t even know it. But I know even if I did that, his toys would
be out on the floor as soon as I left. Because people don’t now.
Parents don’t know how terrible and toxic he is. How he hurts and
destroys the best part of you. All they know is his funny voices and
his characters. The back of the package called him a hero. I’m sorry
but a hero doesn’t disrespect, abuse, rape, and drug women. He is not
a hero. He is not a role model. He is a sick sick man.
Standing in solidarity with abuser survivors now and forever. We support you, believe you, and have your back 100%, April.
So, Homestuck is ending and I thought on doing somethin cool to thank Hussie for making Homestuck and everything that we passed through this seven years of comic.
On this next 413, share on your social media (all of them, if you want so) a photo of you (with or without cosplay), or a drawing, thanking Hussie for Homestuck. You can use the tag #ThankYouHussie on the post so we can maybe reach him
Please tell all of your friends and let’s make a huge chain of thankfulness to this big comic that brought us a lot of feelings, good times, good friends and other good things
HIV/AIDS can be transferred between any two people, DMAB to DMAB, DFAB to DMAB, DFAB to DFAB, etc. It is transferred through bodily fluids:
Blood
Semen (cum)
Pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum)
Rectal fluids
Vaginal fluids
Breastmilk
Any two people who transfer bodily fluids can transfer HIV between them. That could include:
A health care professional accidentally exposed to a patient’s blood
A child breastfeeding from its parent
Two people having sex in which vaginal fluid, rectal fluid, or semen is exchanged
Two people sharing the same needles to inject drugs
Someone who has received donated blood or organs from another human
And other situations
You CANNOT get HIV by:
Standing near, breathing the same air as, shaking hands with, or hugging someone with HIV
Mosquito or other insect bite
Saliva, tears, or sweat - so it’s fine to kiss someone with HIV as long as both of you do not have open, bloody sores in your mouths
Drinking fountains, public transportation
Toilet seats
HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus, and AIDS is the disease that virus causes. It stands for Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome, and it happens in the late stages of HIV.
I highly suggest all of you go toAIDS.gov and poke around a bit. It’s super easy to read and explains SO MUCH. Enjoy!
What what I posting last February??? I’m on vacation this week, so it’s ThrowbackFebruary!! Enjoy!
Just a point I’d like to clarify, since this is a big misconception.
You cannot spread or get infected with AIDS.
You can spread or get infected with HIV. AIDS is just what late stage HIV is called because treatment is difference once the virus reaches that stage.
Anonymous: Can aids be transferred only between (dmab) man/man and (dmab/dfab) woman/man?
