sexistentialisms:

erin-and-rigbys-nerdy-fashions:

sexistentialisms:

I’m honestly really uncomfortable with all the pressure put on service industry workers by people in queer circles to use gender neutral language when interfacing with customers. Like, using gendered terms of respect (sir, ma'am, etc.) is a part of our job; we’re expected to use language that indicates our class position, and gendered terms of respect (including their plurals, ladies, gentleman, etc.) is part of how it is expected that we do that. If we don’t do that, we come across as rude, we don’t receive as many tips, we risk losing a customer interaction, in which the customer has all the power over us economically, not only by not tipping, but by bringing complaints to our managers and undermining our job security. This is the shit people don’t get about working in service. I can’t just walk into your desk job (provided it’s not a service desk job such as customer service, etc.) and start complaining to your boss about your performance and get you fired. And you’re not expected to treat every asshat who walks in with absolute servility and deference.

Yes, getting misgendered sucks, but the reason this is even an issue, the reason that service industry workers are such a visible target of anti-misgendering activism, is because people feel entitled to demand anything from us no matter what, because that’s how the customer-server dynamic works. I’m not saying that you EVER don’t have the right to demand to be gendered properly. I’m not talking about individual efforts to get your gender respected. I’m talking about these campaigns of card handouts explaining gender theory to baristas, I’m talking about these posts going around on the internet loudly telling services workers they need to educate themselves, and lamenting the fact that everyone at McDonalds and Starbucks hasn’t gone through college level safe space training programs…

Like, I’m one of those college-educated safe space training program coordinators. I’m also a trans woman. And I myself have been witness to the coercive nature of gender dynamics in the workplace in all sorts of ways. YES there are workarounds, yes they are substitutes, but they’re often awkward, hard to get used to, hard to implement, and often are received poorly by our customers. It’s a lot of fucking work to do all that, to be constantly thinking about that ON TOP OF all the other shit we have to think about when interacting with customers (do you know just how difficult it is to memorize an entire menu? Especially for someone with multiple learning disabilities such as myself)?

I once got lectured in my store by an English professor from a very prestigious DC university because I called them “sir”. They told me they’re trying to be a professor outside the classroom (where they teach queer lit theory) as well, and teach service workers the proper way to address strangers when they don’t know their pronouns. They told me, “it’s important to ask people their pronouns and not assume! For example, I go by ‘they’, and you go buy…” I responded, I go by ‘she’. He smiled in the most condescending way (this whole lecture was condescending as fuck) and told me, “See?” Like, wow, not only are you condescending and telling me shit that I’ve literally been trained to educate people about, you’re also actively distancing me from my womanhood now by basically saying “See? No one could have ever guessed that you go by she! You don’t look anything like a she!” Fuck off.

As a trans woman in the service industry, I PROMISE you I get misgendered by my customers a THOUSAND times more than I ever misgender them. Being misgendered by a trans person isn’t any less shitty, but it IS less shitty than being misgendered all. fucking. day. Like, believe me, I do my absolute and 100% best to avoid misgendering my customers. I really do. But here’s the bottom line: The reason people feel so entitled to these campaigns criticizing service workers, the reasons you feel entitled to demand this respect from us (which is respect that is yours to demand, in any situation, of course) more readily than you are of say, your doctor, or your neighbors, is because of the nature of service work. It’s because you see yourself as our boss-by-proxy.

I see more posts going around about the need to educate service workers than I do about the need to educate doctors about trans issues. And that’s fucked up, weird, and it says something about people’s expectations from others based on class position and profession.

Hi ho, agender cashier here!

I go by they, and mistdam/Mx. is great, but have you ever called a random person mistdam or Mx? Most people don’t know what the fuck you’re saying. I’ve been called rude and been told I have a bad attitude, and been called stupid when I try to explain. So yeah, normalizing gender neutral terms is fabulous. But I’m too desperate for my $8 an hour to risk it.

Yeah exactly. It’s part of this liberal attitude where they think simply saying things or saying things a certain way actually changes them (see item: “makeup is gender neutral!”). 

That’s not how this works. Gender is still real and coercive and it’s coercive effects on those of us working in service are very felt.

If a service worker misgenders you, all you need to say is, ‘yeah, I’d like a latte, and also the “miss” isn’t necessary’. I promise they will be falling all over themselves to apologize and move the fuck on, because they’re trying to save the interaction now that you’ve voiced your discomfort. You don’t have that power in other situations with non-service workers and I actually encourage you to use it, but recognize where that power comes from. We don’t mind being corrected, it’s part of our job. But going home and ranting on facebook about the ignorance of service workers isn’t the solution, I promise.

And people have asked me about educating service workers when it’s situationally appropriate. And like, I want to say that if we’re not busy we’ll listen to your schtick and a lot of us will probably learn something. But I think my friend put this really well:

Imo i don’t think any constructive conversation abt important shit can ever really happen when one of the participants is essentially being coerced into it and required to show subservience/“respect”

[and] even if a productive conversation could happen, that conversation is p much meaningless unless you are changing the structural and material conditions behind the whole mess. The conversation itself does fuckall. At its best this is liberal faux-activism and at its worst rly condescending to trans proles [proletariat workers] who are being coerced into listening to you

-Sandow, communistduelmonsters

So yeah, assuming our need for education is also a condescending attitude, and not recognizing the dynamics at play is really a problem. Just correct us when we misgender you and move on, and fight for actual structural changes that help service workers and trans folx have autonomy and self determination.

nahumanity:

jakelong95:

crunchier:

people told me they gained over 50+ when i did this the other day so yas

wtf i gained over 80 thank u crunchier this is dope 

woah this is sick! thanks so much