hereskittenz:

Do you have a drawer full of sharp 🔪🔪 knives, 🔪🔪 but prefer to cut your 🍞bread🍞 with a doorstop? I’m 👏Anthony👏Sullivan,👏 and this is why I ✊✊masturbate.🍆🍆 It’s the 🔪Edge of Glory;🔪 mankind’s first step into ✨✨space✨✨ colonization. Behold, a 💳credit card.💳 You can 💲💲buy💲💲things with a credit card- I’m sure you do that- but did you know you could 💰💰sell💰💰 things with it, such as 🔪💳🔫murder?🔫💳🔪 This device is so advanced I’m 💩💩shitting💩💩 my 👖pants.👖 Here’s the 👀secret;👀 it’s the 🗻🗻erect nipples.🗻🗻 This 😔🌰😔sad kiwi😔🌰😔 doesn’t stand a chance. This 🍊🍊orange🍊🍊 is having a 😵🌞😵bad day.😵🌞😵 👊🔪👊Fuck whatever food this is.👊🔪👊 I’m 🔪🔪slicing🔪🔪 and  🎲🎲dicing🎲🎲 this celery’s whole 👥👥family.👥👥 Oopsie, I grabbed the 💩🔪shitty knife.💩🔪 The Edge of Glory can turn that shitty knife into a 🗻🔪titty knife,🗻🔪 giving you perfect slices. It also has 👅👅super suction.👅👅 I wouldn’t shove this 🍍🍍pineapple🍍🍍 inside my 👀wiener hole👀 if this was the last pineapple on 🌎Earth.🌎 Prior to the 🔪🔪Edge of Glory's🔪🔪 existence, you had to pay 🍅🍅tomato🍅🍅 prostitutes in 💰💰cash.💰💰 Now you can force them to accept the 💳💳credit card💳💳 for sex, otherwise they will pay 😵😵😵certain death.😵😵😵 Give a tomato a false sense of security. When it thinks it’s safe, 👋👋throw it👋👋 on the 🔪🔪fucking knife. 🔪🔪The Edge of Glory can fuck 🔪🔪chef’s knives, 🍖🔪filet knives, 🍐🔪paring knives and 🍌🔪peeling knives. 🔙🔙Stand back,🔙🔙 I’m Anthony Sullivan. 🚫🚫Do not🚫🚫try this🚫🚫at home.🚫🚫 This is a knife on a grinder. How does that 👅👅taste,👅👅 bitch? There we go, alright, now let’s see how it cuts. 🔪🚫🍊It can’t even cut a fucking orange.🔪🚫🍊 But if we put it to the 🔪🔪Edge of Glory,🔪🔪 we can cut through the 🔪⏰🔪p e r c e p t i o n  o f  t i m e.🔪⏰🔪 An orange is not even an opponent for this ✨ 🔪 ✨ Edge of Glory enhanced knife. ✨ 🔪 ✨  It’s just too easy for an Edge of Glory knife. Look at this 👊👊brutality.👊👊 You could be paying 💲160 for a very small piano, or you can pay 💲10.99 and get your own 🔪🔪Edge of Glory.🔪🔪 But wait, I can get even 👅👀hornier.👅👀 I’ll throw in a 🔪🔪🔪three piece knife set.🔪🔪🔪 Now I bet you’re asking, “Sully, what can I do with 🔪🔪🔪three knives?🔪🔪🔪" The possibilities are 🔛🔛endless🔛🔛 you son of a bitch! You can 🔪cut, 🍌peel, 🎲dice, 🍖filet, 👊fist yourself👊; it’s a 💲20 value that you’re getting for 🙌🙌free!🙌🙌 Control your 💧💧body fluids,💧💧'cause I’m doubling this fucking offer! 🙌That’s right, the offer is doubled; go wild.🙌 That’s two times the 🔪🔪🔪🔪Edge of Glories,🔪🔪🔪🔪 which means you can slaughter 🍍🍍two times the number of pineapples.🍍🍍 It’s a huge value for 💲10.99, asshole! If this deal doesn’t put you on the 🔪edge of your 💺seat, then you are on the 🔪🔪Edge of Bullshit™💩💩

pentaqhast:

cr1tikal facts:

• he has an arsenal of shitty movies in the back of his house
  
• he likes lesbian porn and really doesn’t care who knows?? he posted his porn hub account for everyone to see
  
• he has an original oc, professor sad, who he’s really proud of
• he spent several hours, maybe days, researching the berenstain bears theory 
• his father was a dildo maker who wanted him to go into the family business
• he knows alot about carbohydrates