captainsnoop:

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

  1. get julius caesar addicted to hentai
  2. seduce cleopatra

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

  1. starlightrabbit reblogged this from technicolor-twinkle
  2. son-of-spam reblogged this from son-of-spam
  3. mediocre-savant reblogged this from ancient-rome-au
  4. minjungismygodess reblogged this from yeahwellyourface
  5. yeahwellyourface reblogged this from venomedveins
  6. sprulpa reblogged this from perks-of-being-chinese
  7. obsessionfull reblogged this from lowtown
  8. technicolor-twinkle reblogged this from battersweet-sid
  9. bebitched reblogged this from minhosgf
  10. heystovepipeboys reblogged this from couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name
  11. fishew reblogged this from chooblogs
  12. k9-in-pants reblogged this from alpinehell
  13. chase-ing-shadows reblogged this from alpinehell
  14. lucytheotter reblogged this from mikhailvolkov7
  15. vader95z reblogged this from sehunk
  16. sehunk reblogged this from stardevil653
  17. galaxiesforbreakfast reblogged this from vamonkea
  18. regan-crystal reblogged this from irnbru-sugarfree
  19. caligulasperi reblogged this from alpinehell
  20. magicshay reblogged this from vamonkea
  21. shadylex reblogged this from alpinehell
  22. silversunguy reblogged this from alpinehell
  23. mikhailvolkov7 reblogged this from alpinehell
  24. captainsnoop posted this
(c)