I think we’re kind of starting to get away from this but have y’all noticed how in the vast majority of popular media, sex scenes don’t actually tend to involve a lot of talking/fumbling/awkwardness unless it’s for humor or to indicate that the people having sex are a.) probably Wrong for each other somehow or b.) inexperienced, possibly having sex for the first time?
but “good” sex, between people who are experienced and In Love etc, is almost always effortlessly athletic and steamy and they somehow telepathically know exactly what to do. I’m not talking about knowing what their lover enjoys, that’s entirely feasible, but they never even have to coordinate what they’re doing. there’s no “do you want me on top?” or “do you want to do [x]?” or accidentally getting in each other’s way.
the overwhelming message that I’ve always gotten from pop culture is that Good Sex happens without communication and, more dangerously, that needing to communicate is a sign that you’re somehow bad at sex, when in reality that’s almost definitely a sign that you’re, you know, a considerate partner who actually gives a shit about people being comfortable when they have sex with you.
why doesn’t this have more notes
because I posted it less than 12 hours ago; give it time, friend
Not only that but like, overwhelmingly sex in media is portrayed as this steamy, well-oiled, SERIOUS machine. Like… where’s the fun? Pop culture seems to be so obsessed with this communication-less pantomime of actual intimacy rather than the reality of intimacy going hand in hand with not only consideration but humour and mutual vulnerability.
Sex is by nature so awkward and odd and it NEVER works the way you see in films or on tv. It’s never seamless and perfect and that is not a BAD THING.
You’re not “doing it wrong” if you’re having problems getting a good rhythm and keep messin’ each other up by trying to help.
You’re not doing it wrong if you’re laughing and talking and not taking it seriously.
And additionally, and now this is a complete tangent from the original point here, but you’re not doing it wrong if you don’t manage to get off or get your partner off.
Sometimes sex is just the action and not the climax and that’s COMPLETELY FINE. My partner and I struggled a LOT with this when we first started having sex because we both had terrible guilt when we couldn’t reach climax or couldn’t get the other off because we felt like that was what the whole point of sex was.
Media puts a lot of PRESSURE on sex and what it looks like that shouldn’t be there and it’s AWFUL.
The focus is just so … wrong.
hey @thepixiepaige no big but this is the best commentary anyone has ever added to one of my posts
This is such an important post!!! Even as a lesbian, we don’t always get it right. It’s ok, have a giggle & then decide if you both want to continue. My ex and I had amazing sex, and we still had the occasional fumble. One time she jumped off of my face so fast, she pulled a muscle in her groin. Or the time she almost chipped a tooth because I trusted against her face too hard. Ha, and once my fwb was holding me up (while using a strap on) and we fell against a wall and left a dent. So yeah it happens a lot….. And shower sex is always slippery, period sex is always messy(especially when you are both bleeding)
as the op who posted this and someone who’s only had gay sex, I appreciate this addition and YES THIS ABSOLUTELY APPLIES TO GAY COUPLES TOO. sex is weird and awkward and requires communication for EVERYONE of ALL ORIENTATIONS, y'all.
Sex is as varied as people are.
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