business email glossary
thanks in advance:  get this done by the time i press "send"
thanks for your interest:  why'd you have to bring this up
would you be so kind:  fucking do it
best:  i have never physically met you
all best:  this conversation is over
all my best:  i wish you would die
happy to help:  this is the easiest thing in my inbox
i hope this helps:  i've done all i'm willing to do
i did a bit of research:  i googled it, because you're too lazy to
sorry to chase:  answer my email
so sorry to chase:  answer my FUCKING email
i am really sorry for being a pest but:  i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
please contact my colleague:  this isn't my problem
i'm copying in my colleague:  this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it
i'll check and get back to you:  i might forget to
i'll let you know when i hear anything:  i will forget to
can you check back with me in a week?:  i'm hoping you will forget to
per our earlier conversation:  i just yelled at you on the phone
great to chat just now:  you just yelled at me on the phone
thanks!:  i'm not mad at you
thanks!!:  please don't be mad at me
thanks!!!:  i'm crying at my desk
please advise:  this might be your fault
kindly advise:  this is entirely your fault
mind if i swing by?:  i'm already in the elevator
can you confirm for me:  you told me before and i deleted the email
sorry if that was unclear:  i think you're an idiot
let me know if you need anything else:  please never contact me again
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(c)