That post about people making sure they don’t ONLY use their friends to vent negativity to has SO many shitty responses, some people called it “problematic”.
And it’s like… It’s not saying don’t be sad, it’s not saying don’t vent… It’s saying don’t ONLY use those people for that purpose? That they are people too and if all you literally EVER do is say negative shit to them and can’t make time to see how they are or say a single nice thing to them… Then they will start to feel negative about you?
It’s not “mean” or “problematic”, if anything it doesn’t go far enough. If that is the way you treat someone then you are using them and, like, fucking stop?
Just because someone is supportive doesn’t mean you should exploit that. Stay aware of your behavior, that doesn’t mean “pretend to be happy when you’re not” or “don’t go to your friend for support”, but it means be AWARE. Ask yourself questions.
-Did you say hello to your friend?
-Did you ask them how they were?
-Have you sent them a cute image, link or interesting article that reminds you of them or think they would be interested in?
-Have you let them know they are valued?
-Have you been observing if they seem tired or distressed by your conversations?
If you can’t say yes top at least one of these then stop, give your friend a break. It is ok to need support and I’m glad people have friends with massive capabilities, but they are still people and still friends.
If being told to appreciate your friend and not ONLY use them as a venting resource is “problematic” then you probably need to investigate the way you treat your friends.
People need to realise that friends aren’t a therapist. Friends are there to support each other, not just support you. My friends and I have a system where we ask if it’s okay to vent first, and the friend is fully within their right to say no, not rn. And we try to give each other a break when they need it. And after a vent I offer myself to be vented at.
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this is honestly true.. sadly. I have a handful of friends that only vent or come to me with something negative when I...
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