I never thought this day would come.
Finally, after so many decades of campaigning and rising up through the ranks. Of speeches and elections and resisting calls to corruption. I am finally here, and with my values intact.
“Mx. President!” My advisor calls, breaking me from my revelrous nostalgia. “What do we do now? It’s been customary since the Reign of Trump to take the first two weeks off after being inaugura–”
“Never mind that. Take me to the Oval Office.”
“Yes, of course.” he replies.
I stride into the office and sink into the plush leather chair.
“If I could have a moment.”
Wordlessly all present retreat to the next room. I am finally here.
I pick up the presidential iPhone, a gaudy gold custom design piece compliments of Steve Jobs’ cyberghost.
Slowly I scroll through the call directory.
“Putin… Putin… Le Pen… Salerno… Ah! Here.”
The phone begins to ring as I hold it to my ear. It smells mildly of spray tan.
“Hello.” A voice greets me, cold and impersonal.
“Is this Capitalism?” I gulp, wiping the sweat from my brow.
“Yes.” The voice responds.
“Hello, I am the President.” My voice still shaking. I have waited for this moment for so long.
“Go on.”
“I just thought I’d sa… I mean I just wanted to say” I sputtered. I was losing steam… But then I remember my friends, my comrades, my family. I clear my throat and speak more forcefully, my spirit blazing. “Maybe exploiting working people isn’t good. Maybe it’s bad.”
“What are you trying to say, president?”
“What if benefit to society should be the most important feature of an economy?”
“I… I never thought of it that way… You are right, president. I will now be Kinder Capitalism and not exploit the people any longer.”
And everything was better forever.
THE END.
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