Instead:
- Model proper emotional response for children.
- Understand where misbehavior comes from
- If a child is overwhelmed, remove them from the overwhelming situation.
- If a child is hungry or tired, address those needs.
- If they are throwing a tantrum in the department store, take them somewhere quiet and let them cry until they are calm. They’re probably just bored or cramped or overwhelmed and need a minute.
- Address the cause of misbehavior, not how it manifests.
- Make sure things like transitions, when you are leaving or moving on, are clearly communicated. Sudden transitions can be a huge trigger for tantrums. Best to try and mitigate with proper advance notice.
- Explain your reasons to children when you are enforcing rules
- Listen to children when they explain their objections to rules. You don’t have to agree with them all the time, but you should listen.
- Understand that you, the adult, can also be overwhelmed, tired, hungry, and frustrated too. Acknowledge, to your kids, out loud, how these things are impacting you and apologize if you snap at them unfairly. Again, this is modeling emotional response.
- Make the rules clear, simple, and consistent. Don’t change what the rules are based on your mood that day, or if you must, explain it before hand. If you normally let them play video games in the car, but you can’t today because your head hurts and your driving to a new place and you need to concentrate so you don’t want the sound to distract you- explain that to your kids. If they counter with “I have head phones. Is that ok?” Then, yeah. It’s ok.
- If you need to have consequences for their actions, then actually follow through. Don’t threaten with consequences that you won’t really do. That makes it a lie, and makes it super ineffective in the future.
- Make consequences fit the behavior. Explain why that is the consequence.
- Some good consequences might include: cleaning up a mess they made, taking a cool down time for a few minutes, not getting to a special treat like a trip to the movie theater with their friends, etc. Remember, we are trying to avoid physical pain as a form of punishment.
- Speak to children respectfully and prompt them to speak respectfully back.
- Choices. Give kids a reasonable, manageable number of choices. Do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue shirt? Do you want Cheerios or waffles? Carrots or green beans? Do you want to give grandma a hug or a high five? Older kids can handle more choices than younger ones.
General rule of thumb: You aren’t trying to raise an obedient child. You’re trying to raise a thoughtful, respectful adult. And you have to be a role model, not just in what you say, but also in what you do.
or spank your kid like a good parent does
Spank your kids before they wind up like the rest of these entitled tumblr brats
“The more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents and to experience increased anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties, according to a new meta-analysis of 50 years of research on spanking by experts at The University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan.”
So they provide sources saying spanking does not work but lets spank them anyway?
So instead of teaching them facts that would stop them becoming deluded “tumblr brats” hit them instead?? Do the opposite of what works? What?
As a parent, it definitely works. Because around me my kid thinks twice before acting out. With her mom (who’s tried everything but) she doesn’t.
I was spanked as a kid when I deserved it too and I don’t exhibit any of those behaviors, nor do any of the people I know who were disciplined in that manner growing up.Spanking kids works. I’m living proof. My youngest brother has grown up with less discipline like I had, and he is much less respectful, more disobedient and lazy. The only reason why my Dad was able to get him to do shit and my mum can’t is because she poses no threat to him. She can’t physically intimidate him like dad can. Kids need that. They need to know they can’t get away with everything and that actions have consequences. If I did something really wrong, I would get the belt from dad. And he wouldn’t just belt the shit out of me, he’d give 1 or 2 quick whacks on the backside. He would tell you exactly why he hit you. Stung like fucking hell but I’m not traumatised or whatever. All it does is make you think twice before doing/ saying something stupid.
‘don’t spank your kids’ bitch, please. i’m also proof that spanking works. shit! when i got in trouble at school, i wasn’t afraid of the teachers or the staff. no, i was scared of my mother because i knew she was going to kick my ass when i got home. that fear still remains with me today, even as an adult! i know if i broke the law, i wouldn’t be scared of the cops. i’d be scared of mom!
So 50 years of meta analysis, covering over 160,000 children vs “bitch please” anecdotes.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Okay people who justify spanking children, explain how my brother ended up a mostly privileged asshole with anger issues and depression, who literally trusted our parents so little he lied about having a boyfriend several years older then him until his school found out, who actively collects very dangerous weapons, and to this day will actively try to hurt me as punishment for saying anything remotely critical about him, when out of the two of us he was ‘spanked’ far more then I ever was? Literally the more he was spanked the more disobedient and distrustful and violent he became - I’ve even asked his reasoning on this, and his response is “I’m not going to be respected either way so I might as well just do what I like”.
What the hell makes you think spanking is a good and acceptable thing to do to children?! Neither me nor my brother to this day trust our parents because of their methods of dealing with us, whether that was spanking or gas lighting or emotional abuse. I’m still unpacking the years of manipulation by members of my family.
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