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Roses are red
Your titrant is pink
You’re not within 2% of the actual value
You automatically drop a full letter grade on this assignment because achem is a bitch

Roses are red
Your project’s been burned to ash
Go throw your useless diploma in the trash
Fucking failure

Roses are red
The rotor’s unbalanced
The centrifuge explodes
Way to go dumbass

Roses are red
Lab coats are red
Everything’s red
What the fuck did you do?

Roses are red
Your lab coat is blue
You’re lucky is flame resistant
Because the Schlenk flash broke

Roses are red
The sky is blue
Too bad you’re stuck inside
Go write your damn thesis

Roses are red
At least that’s what they tell you
You haven’t seen the sun in three years
And you’ve got at least three more to go
God fucking dammit

Roses are red
The sun is huge
It’s really hot outside
I can’t wear weather appropriate clothing
Oh the joys of the lab

Roses are red
My protein is melting
There goes three days worth of work
Fucking dammit

Roses are red
Where’s the professor?
We shut down the wifi again
Fuck my life

Roses are red
The IT guy’s here
He says we broke the internet for half of campus
Sounds like a tuesday

Roses are red
Printers are stupid
Mine won’t print
Even with a phd in computational biophysics

Roses are red
My buffer’s gone cloudy
I guess I have to remake it
For the third time this week

Roses are red
“Where the wifi router?”
“On the shelf”
“Under that piece of paper?”

Roses are red
We’re a team of “highly skilled scientists”
“How do you turn on this shit coffee maker?”

Roses are red
The moon is suspicious
I’m gonna punch in its smug goddamn face

Roses are red
The moon is beautiful
At least people like it
Unlike you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you didn’t like me
Why waste so much time on this?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have too much free time,
Wbu?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hold onto things way past their expiration date out of a need for a sense of control

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Vai tev ir kartupelis?

Roses are red
Potatoes are delicious
I don’t speak Latvian
Sorry

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I believe we are done here
This post is a zoo