closeonmarksnosedive:

i know that a few years ago when the split attraction model became popular, a lot of younger members of the community- mostly very young minors, 13-15, i was only slightly older at the time- were eager to ask everyone and anyone about the parts of their attraction.

and that was often done tactlessly, and people were understandably uncomfortable with being asked to describe their orientations this way, because it seemed like it demanded more- some people felt like saying they were gay should have been the end of the discussion, and being asked to split their identity into parts was invasive and unnecessary.

and i can understand that? i can understand feeling like you’re being asked to prove your identity by hashing it out to a stranger. i can understand not wanting to be forced to define yourself in ways you didn’t choose.

but we have to remember that largely, this phenomenon was coming from kids who didn’t know better. they have since gotten older and learned better. i rarely see this happening anymore, and it’s never with malicious intent.

the split attraction model exists for people to use as a self identification tool. it is not meant to be forced on anyone. it shouldn’t be. but neither should it be mocked.

split attraction is an important concept for varioriented people who would otherwise remain feeling confused and alone, constantly feeling like they’re faking or lying, never feeling as if they have a community. the fact that we have a way to describe ourselves using this model is just incredible and it gives us the opportunity to find community, sometimes multiple communities, and to understand ourselves so much better, to feel whole rather than broken.

this isn’t a model just for ace and aro people, either, though i think it’s most commonly used in a-spec communities these days. it does NOT need to be attacked because of that association.

you can’t call someone homophobic for self-identifying in a way that you don’t approve of. it’s self identification. it has nothing to do with anyone but that person.

and think of the people you are hurting when you invalidate the very existence of split attraction, or demonize it.

it’s not just ace and aro people- but even if it was, that’s not acceptable.

every person has the right to proclaim an identity on their own terms without having it policed. everyone. and that identity can have one label, or ten, or none if you don’t want one. so cut it out.

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    I didn’t know this was a thing for so long and it’s so helpful

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