thebootydiaries:

“intellectual conversations” u type as u take an obvious joke seriously, shaking and sobbing violently. “dang tumblr done it again…” u whisper. “they done offended me, an oppressed Straight™ in america and i can’t tolerate this no more… not no more…” the home of sexuals have hurt u for far too long. 

as u type u accidentally knock over ur bowl of mac and cheese, and u begin to cry harder. 

“look what the gays have done…” u whisper. finally, u look at ur computer screen once more. 

surely thebootydiaries will cry herself to sleep tonight. but u click “anonymous” just to be safe. with a deep breath, u hit send and sit back in ur seat euphorically, ur cheese stained cheeks wrinkling as u grin. u have done it. 

u have won.