substitutingreality93:

book–quotes:

cocoamoon:

fuckyeahsexeducation:

princessofthewhitemoon:

webelieveyou:

thedatingfeminist:

erikalynae:

Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.

If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.

His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.

Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.

READ THIS SERIOUSLY READ THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^

This this this.

Reblogged for the commentary.

This is really important because I think that educating about power imbalances and how to spot that manipulation is a lot better than saying “young people don’t date older people”. I had people use this kind of tactic on me when I was 18/19 as well and it is really damaging.

*realizes some things* damn, son.

This is the LAST time I am posting about these type of “relationships”.
From now on I am deleting any ask with “I’m a minor but in love with an adult!” or “I’m an adult in love with a minor!”
I don’t give a fuck if you’ve known each other since you were born–my answer will always be STAY AWAY.

I was in a relationship with someone that was about five years older than me. We were getting serious about things but I was always having to prove that I was mature enough for our relationship. Which was even harder since I have Asperger’s and I can act immature at times when I don’t mean/want to, and him thinking I was immature forced me to do things I normally wouldn’t do. Finally, a friend who dated the same guy (thank God for her!) told me to be careful about him and told me some things he did to her. Including what was mentioned above, always having to prove she was mature and adult enough for him. I then decided that we needed to take a break. I wasn’t breaking up per say; I just wanted to pause before we continued and make sure that this was something we both wanted and that we respected each other like I was (and beyond) with him. He freaked out! Called me immature-ish, a child, told me all sort of horrible things, and that he never should have thought about dating someone below him. 

Needless to say, I’m not dating him anymore.

But the point is, take the advice above my own story. If a guy or girl (women can do it too; asking boys to be “man” enough) is always making you prove yourself in a relationship whether it is age or anything else, don’t go for it/break it off. That is a toxic relationship and will lead to nothing but heartache. You deserve better.