Okay so since tumblr is broke for me, I’m using mobile tumblr to write this do please forgive me if it looks awful
So I’ve been pretty down for the last couple of days for many different reasons, so I thought to cheer myself up and hopefully to make all of you laugh, I will today reveal why I have a v-shaped scar in a mildly odd place
Now you all know how seagulls do. They’re all over the place, kind of cute, food stealing and noisy fuckers with an alarm call that seems to attract every seagull in the area to their location.
They also, here where I live in the uk, have a bad habit of nesting on rooftops, and later in the year when their gobby loud mouthed pebble babies start trying to fly, they often end up in the middle of a road somewhere, and one day down our road I could clearly see a baby seagull wandering around in the road screeching it’s head off. That’s all well and fucking good, but people come down our road so fast that I knew this baby wasn’t going to last long, and the parents (greater black backed gulls) couldn’t see their baby amongst the cars. So, being a fucking idiot, I decided to try and guide the baby to the nearby unused car park, where the space was open and the parents could feed their baby. But this little pebble-like fucker wasn’t going to make it easy for me and ran in and out of people’s front gardens and then would sneak past me when I tried to reach for them since it was too rude for me to walk in someone else’s garden
After about ten minutes running around after this stupid baby I decided I’d had enough, and when the baby was next cornered I grabbed it. Now I have a lot of practise holding birds so holding it wasn’t a problem, or at least I thought, and I could get it to the carpark safely
BIG MISTAKE
The baby shrieked and started biting me, and while I managed to get it to stop, while sprinting, it’s fucking noise had just attracted EVERY FUCKING SEAGULL IN THE AREA
A ZOMBIE HORDE CANNOT COMPARE TO THE SHERE AMOUNTS OF PISSED BLACK-BACKED AND HERRING GULLS THAT SWARMED ME IN MY DESPERATE SPRINT FOR THE CARPARK
with some decent senses and the good idea to stay close to the houses, I’d neatly dodged every seagull that had swooped me, and I was on a fucking roll here people!…then I fucked up.
In my adrenaline fueled dash for the carpark, holding a vicious seagull pebble baby, I’d forgotten to check behind me. Just as I got level with the carpark, a greater black backed gull, which had been sitting, patiently watching me (an observer told me) on one of the shed roofs behind the carpark, and once I was in rangeBANG
THE FUCKING THING COLLIDED INTO MY HEAD
in shock, I dropped the baby, which safely made it to the carpark, and ran back to my house, being applauded by several people saying “you got guts girl”, all the time my head ringing with the sheer force the fucker had hit me with
I recovered from the head bashing with no injuries, but it wasn’t till I had a shower later I realised that the seagull baby had it’s revenge on me after all
MY TIT WAS BLEEDING. THE LITTLE PEBBLE COLOURED NOISY FUCKER HAD TURNED AROUND AND BIT ME ON THE MAMMARY WHILE I WAS TOO DISTRACTED GETTING IT TO SAFETY
and that ladies and gentleman and all, is how I have a v-shaped scar on my boob forever have a nice day
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