bipolarmenace:

popcommunism:

i have a pretty big issue with how people tend to assume the words “neediness”, “emotional manipulation”, and “abuse” all mean the same thing. like, someone with bpd who is texting you all the time and wanting you to guide them through their extreme emotions is emotionally needy. if they talk about wanting to kill themselves, they probably want to kill themselves, because they have bpd and that’s….kind of our thing.

i have a big guilt complex about “being manipulative” and my therapist was like…you know, in order to be manipulative you have to actually want to influence some kind of outcome. you’re expressing your emotions with whatever skills you have; it can be overwhelming, and people have the right to set boundaries around it, but it’s not an intentional act of manipulation.

and then, like, manipulation is something people do all the time- sometimes for survival. abusers use manipulation, absolutely. abused people also have to carefully manipulate situations in order to navigate getting the validation, care, and sometimes even basic necessities they need inside of an abusive relationship. when you learn that asking for what you need directly gets you ignored or punished, you have to find roundabout ways. is this something it’s good to work on? absolutely, it’s a maladaptive coping skill that can cause damage in non-abusive relationships. but it’s not inherently abuse.

abuse is when you use emotional manipulation in an attempt to control another person. this power dynamic is really crucial, because otherwise we come to the conclusion that everyone who needs help but doesn’t know how to ask for it effectively (which describes part of my bpd experience, at least) is the same as the people who hurt them in the first place. and that’s….awful

oh my god I love this post so much? half of the things people are calling “abuse” on this website are situations in which people don’t know how to deal w mentally ill ppl who are displaying Less Desireable symptoms (especially folks like us w bpd)

1. scarlettecigarette reblogged this from shitborderlinesdo
2. ursa-min0r reblogged this from ghcstxbcy
3. characole101 liked this
4. opalite164 reblogged this from nurselofwyr
5. dessadarling liked this
6. writinglynx liked this
7. tabby-quartz liked this
8. cotton-candy-aesthetics liked this
9. dianebluegreen liked this
10. dirty--boy--david liked this
11. justrebloggingdude reblogged this from unstable-starboy
12. opalite164 liked this
13. methuselah87 reblogged this from thatdiabolicalfeminist
14. flagite liked this
15. danithelilshit liked this
16. corvidskull liked this
17. oliverae1213 liked this
18. dustfingers-ferret reblogged this from thatdiabolicalfeminist
19. dustfingers-ferret liked this
20. smile-falters liked this
21. tottymcflurry liked this
22. dreampvck reblogged this from farrells
23. rottensaint liked this
24. sleepysnflr liked this
25. tinytheoristrebel liked this
26. towheezeornottowheeze liked this
27. bpdnabokov reblogged this from fall-and-shadows
28. risnye reblogged this from thatdiabolicalfeminist
29. moshmoshmuri liked this
30. andistillstruggle reblogged this from softbpdfairy
31. seldomverity liked this
32. turntechbutthead liked this
33. a-la-lacuna reblogged this from debauchary
34. atomicbubblegum liked this
35. maryseestuff liked this
36. autistic-council-spectre liked this
37. jesskxdding liked this
38. heavsns reblogged this from bpdblush
39. xnotgivingup liked this
40. galactic-polywag reblogged this from shitborderlinesdo
41. the-satirical-marshmallowunicorn liked this