THIS IS AN EXTRACT OF A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A FRIEND ON SKYPE
 (He runs a lot)
Him:  I'll never be a great athlete
Him:  Like
Him:  I'm so fucking tired
Him:  My butt hurts
Him:  My ass fucking burns from yesterday's workout
Him:  It hurts to sit
Him:  DAMMIT
Him:  MAKE IT STOP
Me:  This
Me:  This could be interpreted in such great ways
Me:  But I'm gonna stay respectful
Me:  And not make any joke about what you just said
Him:  What
Him:  HOW
Him:  I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Me:  YOU DON'T WANNA
Him:  TELL ME NOW
Him:  PLEASE
Me:  Dude, just
Me:  Just reread what you just fucking wrote
Him:  I did
Him:  SEVERAL TIMES
Me:  JUST
Me:  UGH
Me:  DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT
Him:  THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING
Him:  DAMMIT GABE JUST EXPLAIN
Me:  ...
Me:  Lets just say that just because I'm a grey ace doesn't mean I can stop from seeing twisted sexual innuendos everywhere
Him:  I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SEXUAL ABOUT MY ASS HURTING FROM A WORKOUT
Him:  EXPLAIN
Him:  I HATE NOT KNOWING THINGS
Me:  You
Me:  YOU JUST FUCKING SAID IT YOURSELF
Him:  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
Me:  ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE
Him:  NO WHAT THE FUCK MAN
Me:  NO WAY DUDE I'M LAUGHING
Him:  WHY STOP IT
Him:  YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL DUMB
Him:  I'M GETTING SAD
Me:  HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING IT
Him:  SEEING WHAT
Me:  GAY SEX INNUENDOS
Him:  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
Me:  WTF YOU CAN'T BE THAT INNOCENT
Him:  WHAT THE FUCK
Him:  I'M NOT INNOCENT
Him:  I'M NOT A CHILD TO BE PROTECTED
Him:  THAT'S YOU
Him:  WITH YOUR INNOCENT ALABASTER CREAMY WHITE SKIN
Me:  THEN REREAD YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES
Me:  Also what the fuck
Him:  I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING
Me:  ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND
Him:  MY BUTT IS SORE BECAUSE I WORKED THE MUSCLES TOO HARD
Him:  I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Him:  JESUS
Him:  JFC
Him:  Holy God
Him:  UNHOLY LUCIFER
Him:  COULD YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF ME AND JUST SPIT IT OUT
Me:  Dude no
Him:  WHY
Him:  ADRIEN
Me:  BECAUSE I'M STILL WONDERING WHETHER YOU'RE JUST BEING GENUINLY BLIND TO ALL THOSE STUPID POTENTIAL JOKES
Him:  I AM LITERALLY BEGGING
Me:  OR IF YOU'RE JUST SHITTING ME
Him:  HOW THE FUCK COULD MY BASIC TOOL OF A SORE ASS BE SHITTING YOUR ALMIGHTILY INTELLIGENT BRAIN RIGHT NOW
 I ALREADY SAID I'M A SHIT ACTOR
 GET OVER YOURSELF AND FUCKING TELL ME
Me:  God I wish you could see the wiggly eyebrows I'm making right now
Him:  TELL ME
Me:  Just
Me:  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE
Him:  I WAS BEING A WHINY BITCH
 ABOUT MY CURRENTLY FLAMING ASS
Him:  WHAT
 WHAT
 WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ABOUT MY BUTT
Me:  DUDE
Me:  I AM SO POSTING THIS ON TUMBLR
Him:  NO
Him:  HOOOOOOOOLY FUCKING SHIT DON'T YOU DARE
Me:  Dude when they post comments you'll probably get that fucking joke
Him:  I KNOW YOU WERE IMPLYING I HAD A MEAT ROD SHOVED UP MY ASS
 POUNDED LIKE A PROSTITUE
 DON'T DO THAT
Me:  ...
Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Him:  Nope Nope Nope
Him:  Don't do that
Me:  THIS WAS MAGNIFICIENT
Him:  OH MY GOD
Him:  IF MY PARENTS SEE THIS
Me:  DUDE THIS IS COMEDY GOLD
Him:  ...
Him:  Just don't mention my fucking name
3 years ago / 2061 
via: polyglotplatypus
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